Hard Times – For These Times

Finished February 8, 2010

Coketown. A fictitious manufacturing town given its life and breath in Dickens’ 10th novel. Everything about this story screams of the injustice and bitterness which pervaded Victorian England. Partly a social commentary, partly a personal history, partly allegorical… Dickens showed what comes of society when all people care about are “facts, facts, facts”: moral decline, loss of love and hope, and the corruption of people’s souls.

How interesting that the industrial Coketown not only turns out too much smoke and not enough compassion, it also serves as the setting where the no-nonsense Mr. Gradgrind “manufactures” Louisa and Tom (among other children). The former becomes a beautiful but emotionally repressed woman and the latter a “whelp” who cares only for himself. Despite the fact that there are a great many characters worth noting, Louisa and Tom always make the greatest impression on me. One of Dickens’ early descriptions of Louisa seems to encompass a great deal of my personality especially in one respect: her devotedness to her brother.

Dickens viciously attacks the industries that caused so much misery to millions of people (including himself), but out of this violent passion, comes a simply brilliant piece of literature. Many readers consider Hard Times the uncharacteristic “black sheep” of his major novels, because it was mainly written to raise sales of the “Household Words” periodical… However, don’t judge the book by those feeble arguments, look close and behold the sharp wit of a true master.

Oliver Twist

Charles Dickens' mug, on a..... mug. I MUST own one of these.

Finished February 3, 2010

This novel never ceases to affect me deeply. I think in order to get a firm grasp on the gravity of this story; one should certainly read John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress, seeing as it bears a few similarities (and its name The Parish Boy’s Progress alludes to Bunyan’s own novel). True to it’s predecessor (Pilgrim’s Progress), it’s a story that really highlights mere religion versus the true love of God. The quote from Nancy when she meets with Rose towards the end is heartbreakingly true: “Why ar’n’t those who claim to be God’s own folks as gentle and as kind to us poor wretches as you…?” Dickens poses a simple question that rings as true today as it did in his day, why can’t Christians (myself included) show the love God would have us show to everyone? I wish I knew.

In Fagin’s final scene I am always brought to tears reading Oliver’s sincere plea to allow him to lead the criminal into a prayer. This young character also shows what Dickens deemed to be a true quality of a Christian, one who not only forgives those who’ve done them wrong, but who wants to share God’s love with them in life’s bleakest moments. Far from being a story full of sunshine and laughs (though there are some very humorous parts), Dickens second novel is dramatic and sometimes gruesome, but fascinating nonetheless.

David Copperfield (The Novel)

Finished January 26, 2010. Goofing off to take a picture in between reading.


First thing’s first, a rant. I wanted to attach an illustration (one of the original drawings by Hablot K. Browne a.k.a. “Phiz”) to this blog so I type ‘David Copperfield’ into an image search engine. What do I find? Nothing but pictures of some dark haired man with a cape… Turns out this "David Copperfield" is a modern day magician. -For simplicity’s sake, I’ll refer to him as David Kotkin, his birth name.

Here I perhaps show my naïveté, but I’ll admit until this day I’d never heard of him (Kotkin) however; I find he’s praised as this century’s preeminent magician. How is he so well known and yet this masterful novel is nowhere to be found?! I even found the trivia question: “Did you know David Copperfield took his name from a novel?” What’s happening to the world? Okay… I know it’s probably silly and trivial but I adore David Copperfield and am properly shocked.

As I had mentioned in an earlier blog, Mr. Peggoty and Ham are by far two of my favorite characters. They each embody all that is noble and faithful in men, both as fathers and lovers. Mr. (Daniel) Peggoty is a man who is wholeheartedly devoted to his family, no matter how quirky or troublesome they turn out (quite like my own dad). And then there’s Ham, sweet Ham Peggoty. His love of Little Em’ly and every person he comes across is splendid. Okay, so I’ve never ever met a man anywhere near this great literary character but he is one who epitomizes my perfect dream man. If you want to know my type, you can find him in this superb novel. There’s not much else I can say other than to leave you with one of my favorite quotes, by Ham of course.

“I loved her- and I love the mem’ry of her- too deep- to be able to lead her to believe of my own self as I’m a happy man. I could only be happy- by forgetting of her- and I’m afeerd I couldn’t hardly bear as she should be told I done that. But if you, being so full of learning, Mas’r Davy, could think of anything to say as might bring her to believe I wasn’t greatly hurt; still loving of her, and mourning for her- anything as might bring her to believe as I was not tired of my life, and yet was hoping fur to see her without blame where the wicked cease from troubling and the weary are at rest- anything as would ease her sorrowful mind, and yet not make her think as I could ever marry, or as ‘twas possible that any one could ever be to me what she was- I should ask of you to say that- with my prayers for her- that was so dear.”

The Pickwick Papers

I remember reading this novel when I was quite young; in fact I was still in elementary school. One of my great eccentricities growing up is the fact that I read books that were considered much too difficult for a kid my age. My reading level baffled teachers growing up (don’t get me wrong, I don’t profess to be anything near a genius, where I excel in literature and vocabulary, I make up for by being a perfect idiot at math).

But I digress. I finished this book on January 18, 2010 and I think it affected me just as much as it did the first time I read it, perhaps even more so in some points. Now I understand something in a different light, after having lived in the world and experienced heartbreak… the entire Bardell vs. Pickwick case strikes me as a tragically comedic piece. Evidence of Dickens’ genius is his ability to make a potentially serious scene like a breach of promise case a rather humorous glimpse into human nature. What I had never noticed before was the fact that it all sprung from a misunderstanding between an average, lonely woman and the somewhat naïve Pickwick. How easily we women can bestow our affections on men when we think they’re giving us even the slightest attention, and how bitter is the embarrassment and anger that follows these mistakes! At any rate, Mr. Pickwick in true Pickwickian form learns from this entire ordeal and emerges a wiser [if not slightly jaded] man.

Dickens’ signature specialties: strong characters, outlandish circumstances and happy endings abound in this novel. Read it.

Oh, Charles!

I've only mentioned this goal to a few people, perhaps it has to do with my very real fear that I won't actually have enough time to complete this endeavor by December 31, 2010... Here it is: [Re]read all of Charles Dickens' major works in one year.

Doesn't sound too difficult right? He is, afterall, one of my favorite authors! But my problem seems to be my style of reading, I immerse myself in the story so if I can only read about a page at one time, I won't do it. I'd rather sit down and read 100 pages, get a good amount of the story and just revel in it. Dickens paints such pictures, and weaves such remarkable tales that I often pore over certain passages over and over, relishing the imagery he describes. I'll flip back to any part that contains characters I love (i.e. The Pickwick Papers anything with Sam Weller, Bleak House Esther's narratives, David Copperfield Mr. Peggoty and Ham's recurring sections, Great Expectations the mad Miss Havisham etc...) I can't help it, I've always read that way. Unfortunately, this isn't the best habit when you have a timeline you wish to keep. At any rate, it's my intention to try my hardest to complete this goal.

A Look At Myself

I’m a woman.
Made up of both light and dark.
Not beautiful, or even pretty, I’m just me.
An artistic soul,
And a collector of memories, quotes and eras.
A lover of times past, decades I never lived through.
Poetic and literal.
Purveyor of a love that has often been taken for granted.
A dreamer, with a touch of cynicism which shouldn’t be mine to bear.
A painter, a dancer and a reader of novels.
Like sea glass, tossed on the shore, made softer through circumstances.
Never comfortable in large crowds,
Always alone.
Once in love, I bloomed, only to be tossed aside.
Now solitude is my favorite companion.
Often misunderstood, but when looked at without prejudice; perfectly understood.
A kaleidoscopic being, with a million facets,
And so many things I’ve yet to discover about myself.

Operation: Baking GALS

Operation Baking GALS is a way to thank just a few men and women who are currently serving in a war zone. In this country, we are more indebted to our military than we’ll ever know. The sleepless nights, months away from loved ones, and trauma they face are unimaginable, yet we can so flippantly dismiss their incredible sacrifices…... Once in a while a group of people who understand and value our military come along and they work hard to make it known: there are still people in this country who appreciate them and admire them. The Baking GALS are one of those groups. Sign up, bake, ship your baked goods and bless a military man or woman… You can even donate directly from the site, check them out at: http://www.bakinggals.com/ and remember to pray for our military men and women.


"The Nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten." - President Calvin Coolidge

I think... therefore I love baseball

“The play reaffirms what I already know – that baseball is the most perfect of games, solid, true, pure and precious as diamonds. If only life were so simple. I have often thought. If only there was a framework to life, rules to live by.” W.P. Kinsella is one of those people who really, truly understands the artful, beautiful game of baseball. Why do I love it so much? It’s hard to explain, it’s just so American, so full of wonder… the crack of the bat, the thump of a baseball in the catcher’s mitt, the cheers of the crowd, the smell of roasted peanuts permeating the ballpark…

There are a few things you should know about me, first, I was born into a baseball loving family, and the team I was brought up loving is so deeply ingrained it may as well be written in my DNA like my eye color. It’s just who I am. I am a total and complete Dodger girl. Yes, I love “my Dodgers” and I’m a proud even defiant fan.

All of my friends are Angels fans. A guy I used to date even referred to me as “devil woman” because we simply didn’t see eye to eye when it came to baseball. I’ve tried to like the Angels like all of my other [delusional] friends. I mean, they’re in the AL, my boys are in the NL, maybe they could be my AL team? Heck no. I hate them. Why do Angels fans think they’re the only ones with a legitimate claim to loving their team? I've been to Angels games, but I couldn’t help being annoyed by the presence of the Angels and their fans, so I’d root for the other team (see what I mean? Defiant.). Sure I love the game, but there’s something so different about being in Angels stadium and the genuine excitement I feel being at Dodgers’ stadium.

The excitement that rises in my heart as I cross the parking lot getting closer to the beautiful old stadium, the smell of Dodger dogs, the sea of blue that seems to move together like a wonderful choreographed dance, and even to those who hate the team have to admit, the sound of Vin Scully’s voice is perfect. I remember on Saturdays when the Dodgers games were on TV, dad would sit with my brother and me and we would watch the boys in blue do their thing, cheering at victories and cursing the other team in our defeats. I wish I could go to more Dodgers games, I’ve been to so many Angels games… ::sigh:: thus is the curse of a Dodgers girl living in Orange County.

Dating Mr. Wickham

I have two confessions:

1. I am a Jane Austen fanatic.
2. I dated Mr. Wickham.

This blog is about confession number 2. ***As a disclaimer, if you haven’t read Pride and Prejudice (you should), it’ll sound like babble and this may ruin the story for you if you should ever choose to read it, so don’t spoil it for yourself.*** That being said, here’s my parallel to my favorite piece of literature.

I waited just as many years as Miss Elizabeth Bennett, and people who are familiar with her character say I closely resemble her personality and temperament. Then how did I get stuck with a Wickham? Simple enough, if you remember, at the beginning of the novel, the oh-so-charming snake of a man, George Wickham is exceedingly impressive and gentlemanly… he only betrayed himself in small ways every once in a while, and Lizzie liked him a bit too much to be objective. So it was with me. In the same area of misjudgment lies my fatal flaw. I see what I want to see, not what’s there.

Sad to relate, I see other girls I know getting tangled up with the Wickhams of the world, and also finding themselves broken and angry. When we fall for him, it follows that the Lydias in our lives swoop in at the time when we’re most attached and crow over us about their conquest. Real classy, but comeuppance is inevitable so just you girls wait.

What’s unbearable about the Lydia Bennett/George Wickham pairing is it seems they’re getting off easy. They get their mate with no thought of the people they’ve left bruised and hurt along the way… But I get the supreme satisfaction of seeing how beautifully ironic that couple turns out to be. A conniving, cheating pair is not going to last long in their happy land of oblivious “love”, sooner or later they’ll tire of each other and look for greener pastures. But the true poetic justice comes when they both begin to regret their backstabbing; it’s always right when Lizzie gets her Mr. Darcy.

My dear Elizabeth Bennetts, fear not, your Darcy is on his way! And as an added bonus, you don’t have to deal with Mr. Wickham anymore, he and Lydia will serve as each other’s punishment. Goodbye horrid Mr. Wickham, hello wonderful Mr. Darcy, wherever you are.

Diagnosis: Fat Sheep Syndrome

A disorder characterized by the following:

1. Expecting to BE served, not TO serve.
2. Finding problems and turning them into crises.
3. Excessive complaining about problems, yet not trying to better those problems.
4. Being divisive (whether intentionally or unintentionally)
5. Complacency

As the church, we are all sheep in His pasture but what happens to those who have been grazing and standing around comfortably for too long? They turn into the Fat Sheep, extraordinarily good at pointing at what’s lacking with certain aspects of the ministry, but do they pick up the slack? Not a bit.

It happens in churches everywhere and it drives me crazy so I need to rant about it. Recently my spiritual mentor said something that I’ve been thinking for years: “If one more person complains about the lack of things we’re doing for them and their kids…” UGH! It’s so true.

What’s the deal with complainers? I mean why do people gripe when the answer is right in front of them? Get up, get out of your comfort zone and fix whatever it is that’s bothering you. What good is it to look at flickering light bulb, let it bother you and just sit on your butt and say “I wish someone would fix this light bulb!” while a few people around you run themselves ragged trying to serve you… No. That’s wrong.

Sound like anyone you know? We must all be careful for the Fat Sheep, they demand to be treated with the utmost care and concern yet their care and concern for others is sorely lacking. Harsh words indeed, but very true. I know a couple dozen completely dedicated people who spend mass amounts of time trying to serve others and when we receive a “that’s it?” comment the natural reactions are to:
(a) feel disappointed
(b) wonder why they don’t try it and see how difficult it is
(c) want to hit them. Hard. (maybe that’s just me?)

But really, why do some of the sheep get to be comfortable and complacent? God never said “Yeah, make sure life is easy for you all the time. Oh and don’t help, just watch a few other people do it. And then criticize them about their job.” We have to be stretched and tried, the road to strength and holiness is paved by struggles and hard work, so don’t dodge it, stand up and help out….. Or graze in an area where I can’t reach you.

The Giving Tree

“Once there was a tree... and she loved a little boy” so Shel Silverstein’s familiar old story goes. What is it about this beloved story that simply makes anyone [with a heart] melt? Perhaps it’s the simple truths in it; perhaps it’s the fact that there are so many people out there who, like me, have been in the place of the tree.

An adoring tree who gives all she’s got just to try and make her little boy happy, as long as he’s satisfied, we’re happy… but not really. We realize that although he comes to depend on us, and we love him wholly, all he wants is what we can give. What then? What happens when he takes the last bit of anything we can give and it’s still not enough? He leaves his tree and sails away with what remains of her and she’s left alone, confused and feeling like she just wasn’t good enough. It’s when the boy comes back that we find out what the tree will do next. By the end of the story the boy seems to realize what’s been in front of him all his life: a tree, loving him and denying herself… What makes the tree willing to take him back and show him love? Compassion. What about when my little boy comes back asking for my friendship again? I don’t know. I am, after all, just the stump of what used to be a glorious tree.

Village Of Hope - OCRM

There are so many of our fellow human beings who are among the ranks of the forgotten and the despised, often they’re left to face the tough world on their own. But there is hope, and it’s found in the form of a reconstructed old Marine base in Tustin.

When you hear the words “homeless shelter” what do you think of? A run down building... Angry people… Uncomfortable surroundings… Well, that’s the direct opposite of what a small team of us have experienced in working at the Orange County Rescue Mission. “The Village of Hope” is exactly that, a place of new beginnings and a true reason to look to the future with optimism. As soon as you’re on the premises you can feel the love of God; and suddenly everything hits you harder. The stories you hear, the hugs you receive, the sincere “thanks” anything and everything is overwhelmingly wonderful. In fact, every day I’ve been there, I’ve cried. They’re not tears of sadness; they’re tears of inexplicable joy, when you meet these people who have every right to make excuses or to be bitter; you only see hope, faith and love.

It is my hope that God grants me the ability to help these wonderful people and this amazing organization in any way I can. You can get involved too, check out their website and get plugged in somewhere; they can always use help and donations. Refuse to sit it out and wait for someone else to do it, stand up and show the world that you care.

http://www.rescuemission.org/

The Farfalla Project

The Farfalla Project. What is it? It’s my calling, my passion, and my desire to serve the Lord and to serve others. I volunteered at the Orange County Rescue Mission with my church and have found great needs there. It’s a wonderful facility and I have been so blessed to work there with the children… But something I noticed: there’s a lack of blankets for the little ones. Maybe it sounds like no big deal, and to most people it’s not. But think of it this way, in a turbulent time of their lives, how comforting it would be to have something to call their own, even if that something is just a blanket. So I trust God to provide me with the funds to buy materials, and then I make the blankets with the gifts He’s given me, my beautiful sewing machine and the skill required to make these prayerfully and with love.

Farfalla is Italian for “butterfly”. I have a fascination with butterflies, maybe because I can relate to them so well. I have recently been transformed after conforming for far too long. I desire to share God’s power to transform and change anyone, there is nothing more liberating than to realize that who you are doesn’t have to be who you ARE. At any point in our lives, we can ask the Lord to change us, to fix us and make us better and if we’re willing to do what He says, He can take us anywhere and we can do anything. We are each destined to be better, to do more and to answer His call. I yearn to be better, to do more than I ever dreamed possible and I WILL answer His call. This butterfly is going to spread her wings and rely on God to continue to lead her.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2